Let me first say being a mans wife, fiancé or girlfriend should never define you or be ultimate goal. If you are under 25 stop reading NOW and come back to this post in a few more years. Growing up lots of girls have this vision of being a wife and starting family. Well I was different I never thought I could have family and career so I decided early to be the fine auntie passing out dollar bills during the holidays. Well life happens so keep reading to see how I got the RING after 6-7 years.
Jokingly I would say 5 years no ring I gotta go. I would ask men early into dating if they believed in God and marriage. Based on their response I knew how serious to take them hence to why I’m 28 and have only had 2 adult relationships. Well meeting my fiancé at 20 I can admit I was the furthest thing from marriage material. Looking back I don’t even think we where “relationship material” both parties immature and not well accomplished in this world. Yet I jumped head first in a relationship knowing I wasn’t ready.
After two years I still didn’t feel the pressure to move in together or get engaged and marriage was far off the radar. Then came Kai I was only 23 but I kept assuming I’m a mom (which wasn’t planned) and the only way I can make it right is marriage. I felt guilt of being unmarried even though I wasn’t financially, or mentally prepared to be a mans wife. I would be envious of those around me getting married. I was self sabotaging the state of our relationship by saying negative things constantly to spark a reaction from Moyo.
Then I got my first corporate job and my focus changed. I found myself no longer asking when? But now making plans for my life. I grew so much between 25-27 because I started to find myself and didn’t depend on the title of WIFE to make me whole. I began to realize that marriage wouldn’t solve issues such as poor spending habits and poor communication. Lastly I stopped asking about when? Or the ring. I got to a point of feeling so secure in my womanhood that I knew if he never asked that I was A) still whole B) if not him someone would see me for all I am and it would be his lost.
Mentally I gave myself a deadline of when I would walk away from being his girlfriend because I felt that I was ready for marriage and had done the work. Although marriage isnt for everyone I knew for me personally I never wanted to be a mans longterm girlfriend. Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free? I didn’t tell Moyo or even my family the deadline I just continued to work on me. So December 14,2019 when me and Moyo headed out to what I thought was “date night” he dropped to one knee and asked for my hand in marriage. Moral of story I didn’t give ultimatum there wasn’t force and we didn’t rush into things just because we had children. Ladies my biggest advice is stop trying to make a man husband material work on you the right man will notice. Me not marrying young was a blessing in disguise I know what if feels like to be independent I fully lived independently until we got engaged. It’s okay to date with a purpose it’s even okay to ask the hard questions upfront. If I learned anything it’s that it doesn’t take forever to know someone is the one but be honest with yourself and stay true to your individual beliefs. Drop the rule books and be such a boss that a man wouldn’t dare pass on the opportunity of making you his better half thats the trick.
Until next time like, share and comment below.